Long days of anxiety

I know I’ve been moaning a lot waiting for this psych referral, but I’m starting to wonder how far I have to fall down the rabbit hole before the psychiatrists will help me.

It’s been a week now – maybe that isn’t actually all that long. It feels like a long time though, when every day is a huge struggle against nausea just to complete a working day.

Today there were something like five separate occasions where I forgot how to breathe.

I don’t know how much worse this can get before I’m in danger of losing my job. Everyday that I manage to get to work and come home at 5 feels like a bit of a miracle. I have to set my alarm an hour earlier than normal to give myself time to deal with the early-morning nausea. I’m a zombie on anti-emetics, a zombie for waking up every two hours, anxious.

At work I noticed my eyes blurring in and out of focus, with seemingly nothing I can do to anchor myself.

I’m scared the day’s going to come when I just can’t breathe at all.

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