Missing some Zs

A while back I took myself off of lithium and Prozac to reclaim some mental sharpness. That’s left me with mirtazapine (Remeron) and propranolol (Inderal), except I’m slowly having to admit that neither are really doing much for me.

I was put on mirtazapine to boost the Prozac, and I liked it because it helped me sleep – it did such a good job that I stopped abusing over-the-counter sleep meds. But, and that’s a really sad ‘but’, for the last couple of months it’s been getting harder and harder to fall asleep. It’s not that I’m thinking about anything in particular, or that something’s overly worrying me – more that I’m just restless somehow. When I do get to sleep I get locked into these strong dreams that mean I wake up feeling exhausted. Dr T would say that’s good in a way, because it means my brain is processing something. It’s hard to hold onto the positivity when you’re really tired.

It doesn’t help that I’m not very physically well either – I’ve had an infection for a little while now that I can’t seem to throw off, and over time I’ve felt increasingly nauseated, dizzy, and sometimes a bit feverish. MQ, go see your doctor. No. I don’t want to show the infection to anyone, let alone a doc. (And no, not because it’s self harm or anything like that). I know that’s stupid, and childish, but it’s not enough to get me over the line to ask for that help.

I felt so unwell yesterday that I couldn’t go to work. Truth be told, I didn’t really feel a whole lot better today, but it struck me that I could be off work indefinitely if I didn’t toughen up. That won’t work; as ever the world demands money.

I might try and cut down on caffeine, see if that helps with getting to sleep. And I’ve got a bath bomb kicking around somewhere; I could have a long, late bath.

 

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