Check in: Scraping the bottom

I hit another low point tonight, and as predicted the DSH tools came out. I’ve felt like crying a lot today which is a bit unusual for me – I rarely cry. I don’t have anything against crying itself, but when I feel myself tearing up I immediately tell myself to hold it together and try and stop. I’ve realised with time that while I don’t judge other people for crying, I judge myself to be weak if I do it. I accept now that that’s wrong, but I don’t think the new attitude has quite penetrated my core.

I’m not sure why I’m so low. I know I’m angry because I keep finding myself hitting/kicking things like walls/pillars etc, but off the top of my head I can’t tell you who/what I’m angry at. I have therapy tomorrow so maybe I’ll find some answers there.

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